Have you ever felt like there were themes popping up during specific blocks of time in your life?
During the last week, I kept watching movies about the fact that a parent can never kill his own child. It's central to the plot of the movie Wanted, which I just saw and loved (God damn James McAvoy is FINE!).
Earlier today my guy "Hybrid" put on Star Wars and there goes the theme again: Vader, as evil as he is, still has some of his old flesh and heart left, killing his boss instead of his own son.
Even in the movie I saw last night on DVD at Hybrid's house, Underworld 2, the oldest and most powerful being can't find it in his heart to kill his own sons, even though they threaten the world with chaos and killing.
What is up with movies pitting parents against kids? Also, does this mean anything in MY life right now, because it's strange that the theme keeps popping up...
Maybe because I feel like I'm very soon going to sacrifice myself for someone who I kind of consider my own daughter. Two years ago, my niece "Securitas" lived with me for three months in the beginning of her 8th grade school year. Her parents couldn't take care of her and her home was causing her immense emotional distress: when her dad wasn't emotionally void, he was physically abusive--I blame him, in large part, for major psychiatric issues. Her mom dealt with her own mental health, a depression since childhood that was only exacerbated after being diagnosed with a terminal illness.
Long story short, Securitas had no place to go and her psych institution placed her with me temporarily to bide time and figure out to improve their home situation. Her time with me was the hardest three months of my life. She had been in a psych hospital for a summer before she stayed with me, they were figuring out the right dosage of meds for her. I was a new mom to a 14-year old girl who was WONDERFUL in every way, but came with a lot of sad, emotional baggage from her family.
Her first couple of weeks with me was good, but it became difficult as her moods started to become unstable and then very terrible. Life was tough as well because of the basic fact that I was a single mother without a car, navigating the public transportation in a new town (I had to move out of DC for a safe school choice for her.) From labor day to Thanksgiving, I kept calling her dad telling him I just can't take care of her anymore. Each day a nightmare whenever we would clash, whenever her emotions took over. I felt like my life was over and didn't know how I was going to survive. I felt like I gave up, couldn't continue taking care of her. She went back home, things didn't change and went in and out of psych hospitals.
So now, several years later, I've returned to living the single-carefree life, but I can see that this period is going to be over again. Her parents are getting a divorce and her mom, my sister, wants to move to DC to live out her life, whatever amount of life she has left. She wants to bring Securitas too because her husband has rage issues and beats the living shit out of her when she flares up emotionally.
So I can't say no to my sister and my niece. I feel like I'm making a sacrifice of the life I am currently enjoying. I'll have to take care of them and be the caregiver, emotional-anchor and bread winner (my sister can't work because she's on disability insurance which covers her life-sustaining drugs.)
I'm going from "Sex and the City" to sex-less in the burbs.
From swingin' single to "wife-and-kids."
I feel like my life is over.
But, I can't say no to them and they have no place to go. It's complicated, but it's kinda true.
Does this make me Vader when he finally turns to the good side? Is the Emperor my current single-life and selfish ways? Do I have to throw him down a well to save Luke? And if so, will I survive it? I am kinda scared shitless. Cue Star Wars "force" theme music...
